I hate how i keep checking my phone for a text that will never come.
Your heart drops, and so do your tears. You try and hold them back, but it falls before you can try and stop it. Worst. Feeling. Ever.
What the fuck you want me to say? Yes? Cause if i say no, then you’ll think i want attention. But i am not okay. They say that honesty is key, but how can i be honest when all you people do is judge like its your damn mothuhfuckin job!
Its either you break up, or marry each other.
Most of the time i want them to just keep holding on, and not give up on me..
I was always the happy one. I was always the one smiling, never crying, never getting angry, but just enjoying life, and everything in it. I remember how strong my relationship with God used to be. How i went to church and never missed one sunday service for 2 years straight. I remember how i gave lectures, and started bible studies in my school, trying to lead people to christ. I used to be so helpful, so caring, and so warm hearted. When people cried, or when people were down, i was the one to give them long talks, and try and help them through their problems. Nowdays? Everything has gone in reverse. I dont go to church, i swear, i do things i thought i’d never do. I used to try and lead people away from suicide, and talk them through it. Now? Im so quick to take a blade, and slit my wrists open. I guess i was always the one to listen, but now im the one that needs someone to help me. To talk to me, no matter how hard i push them away. I’ve become so numb, my heart became cold, and empty. So much has gotten to me. I’ve lost touch with the old me. I need her back in me.
One way or another, i get hurt, or i end up hurting him. So from now on, ill just focus on School, sports, dancing, and everything else in life that i love. I now have no room in my life for a boy. I’ve decided this, and its something i will stick to.